If you're like me (and thank goodness you're not cause that's years of counseling on your shoulders), you may be asking yourself this question:
How can I make Xa work for me?
Well, ask no more. On today's show, we're going discuss how to take your Xa to the next level and make it work for you.
Now, you probably already know that you can stuff a sock inside and swing it around. You probably already have inflated a balloon inside of it to make for some cool looking pics. And I know you've stuffed your Xa with an icy cold sponge and have flung at the nearest unaware cohort (TEE HEE!). But did you know you could do these things:
01 BOOGER Xa: If you're the parent of small children, you probably already know about those busy fingers. You know, the ones that make a run for the nose and come out different shades of yellow and green (eww!). Time to say goodbye to those busy fingers and put them where they belong: not in your child's nose.
02 GRAPE Xa: I love grapes. Especially green grapes. But did you know that in some places of the world, they ban green grapes? Mainly in red grape factories (or farms or crops or vineyards... whatever the kids are calling it these days). And as a green grape lover, I cannot be anywhere without my green grapes... ANYWHERE! But if you walk onto a red grape plantation/vineyard/pyramid scheme, they will beat you down like pop stars security guards. But then I found my answer in Xa. Specifically the green one. See the photo above and to the left? Yeah, I'm holding a green Xa. But look closer. See what I see? Green grapes. Know who doesn't see it? Those red grape people. Not. A. Clue.
03 NOODLE Xa: Speaking of food and pop stars, nothing makes me empty my stomach faster than listening to Justin Bieber's album My World. But if I ever want to go to hungry from being full, that's exactly what I do. And when it comes to me being hungry, I sure like a heaping dish of spaghetti and meatballs. However, I have a problem. Being so young and smart and dashing (see above grape photo), I have a very busy schedule. And every time a warm plate of spaghetti and meatballs plops down in front of me, I find myself out of time to sit and enjoy. In fact, I can't. I have to run. I tried to grab a handful of it once and go, but those things are just too slippery. No longer. I figured if it worked with grapes on the go, spaghetti on the go should work just as well. And you know what... it worked! Quadruple bonus that Xa has numerous holes so I can slurp my dinner from any angle while keeping my eyes on the road.
04 POP STAR Xa: Are you tired of Justin Beiber? Me too. That's why Xa is the perfect solution to silencing the boy-wonder. Forever. I could elaborate. I could. But I think a picture is worth a thousand words. What's that Justin?? I can't hear you... Let you go? Is that what you said? Oh I misheard you. You said let you stay constricted in my Pop Star Xa prison forever... It is my pleasure.
Well, we've sure had a good time today exploring the world of possibilities that Xa has to offer. But I want to know, what practical uses do YOU have for Xa? Feel free to comment below or shoot us an email with your own photo of how you apply the power of Xa to your daily routine!
Our team of old-timey researchers were as stunned as you are by this development. Where did it come from? What is it for? At first our curiousity was equalled only by our undeniable disappointment once we discerned it could not be eaten. But just then, something happened. A world of possibility opened up before us in a comically-timed eureka moment and Xa was assimilated into the USAstrojax collective!
Let's start with the obvious- what can you do with Xa? Well, my dear scholar that is where it gets interesting. Though we haven't quite cobbled together a lightbox that displays (I swear it by Odin's raven) moving pictures, Jimothy assures me such a device will allow us to provide you a far more wondrous and ocularly pleasing demonstration within a fortnight.
Until then, here are some of the particulars we've come to adore about the gelatinous little fellow:
weight: 34 Grams
diameter: 70mm in diameter
taste: absolute rubbish
component materials: An apparent thermal plastic resin harmoniously blended into a tri-woven alien polymer so as to sustain the unicorn dreams within it.*
Researcher's Note: (That last part is merely a theory of Sir Jason, but I've had no occasion to doubt his idiosyncratic ravings and to be fair it would explain the holes.)
So what can one do with Xa? Well, for starters:
Now that I've had a spell to ponder the particulars of this advancement whilst satiating my palate with tasty vittles from the corner delectables shoppe, I've decided that perhaps you'd best take a crack at it. We (and our dapper moustaches) have been at this for weeks and frankly we're about to crinkle our cravats at all of the maddening possibilities!
If you'd care to investigate the device and report your OWN findings back to us, provided you can pay the shipping from our meager (though still secret) laboratory you can procure one of our native samples for your own experimentation and together? Why we'll show that Tesla fool yet!
And who knows? Perhaps one who can unravel its secrets might be rewarded handsomely from our lab in some way?