If you're like me (and thank goodness you're not cause that's years of counseling on your shoulders), you may be asking yourself this question:
How can I make Xa work for me?
Well, ask no more. On today's show, we're going discuss how to take your Xa to the next level and make it work for you.
Now, you probably already know that you can stuff a sock inside and swing it around. You probably already have inflated a balloon inside of it to make for some cool looking pics. And I know you've stuffed your Xa with an icy cold sponge and have flung at the nearest unaware cohort (TEE HEE!). But did you know you could do these things:
01 BOOGER Xa: If you're the parent of small children, you probably already know about those busy fingers. You know, the ones that make a run for the nose and come out different shades of yellow and green (eww!). Time to say goodbye to those busy fingers and put them where they belong: not in your child's nose.
02 GRAPE Xa: I love grapes. Especially green grapes. But did you know that in some places of the world, they ban green grapes? Mainly in red grape factories (or farms or crops or vineyards... whatever the kids are calling it these days). And as a green grape lover, I cannot be anywhere without my green grapes... ANYWHERE! But if you walk onto a red grape plantation/vineyard/pyramid scheme, they will beat you down like pop stars security guards. But then I found my answer in Xa. Specifically the green one. See the photo above and to the left? Yeah, I'm holding a green Xa. But look closer. See what I see? Green grapes. Know who doesn't see it? Those red grape people. Not. A. Clue.
03 NOODLE Xa: Speaking of food and pop stars, nothing makes me empty my stomach faster than listening to Justin Bieber's album My World. But if I ever want to go to hungry from being full, that's exactly what I do. And when it comes to me being hungry, I sure like a heaping dish of spaghetti and meatballs. However, I have a problem. Being so young and smart and dashing (see above grape photo), I have a very busy schedule. And every time a warm plate of spaghetti and meatballs plops down in front of me, I find myself out of time to sit and enjoy. In fact, I can't. I have to run. I tried to grab a handful of it once and go, but those things are just too slippery. No longer. I figured if it worked with grapes on the go, spaghetti on the go should work just as well. And you know what... it worked! Quadruple bonus that Xa has numerous holes so I can slurp my dinner from any angle while keeping my eyes on the road.
04 POP STAR Xa: Are you tired of Justin Beiber? Me too. That's why Xa is the perfect solution to silencing the boy-wonder. Forever. I could elaborate. I could. But I think a picture is worth a thousand words. What's that Justin?? I can't hear you... Let you go? Is that what you said? Oh I misheard you. You said let you stay constricted in my Pop Star Xa prison forever... It is my pleasure.
Well, we've sure had a good time today exploring the world of possibilities that Xa has to offer. But I want to know, what practical uses do YOU have for Xa? Feel free to comment below or shoot us an email with your own photo of how you apply the power of Xa to your daily routine!
Our team of old-timey researchers were as stunned as you are by this development. Where did it come from? What is it for? At first our curiousity was equalled only by our undeniable disappointment once we discerned it could not be eaten. But just then, something happened. A world of possibility opened up before us in a comically-timed eureka moment and Xa was assimilated into the USAstrojax collective!
Let's start with the obvious- what can you do with Xa? Well, my dear scholar that is where it gets interesting. Though we haven't quite cobbled together a lightbox that displays (I swear it by Odin's raven) moving pictures, Jimothy assures me such a device will allow us to provide you a far more wondrous and ocularly pleasing demonstration within a fortnight.
Until then, here are some of the particulars we've come to adore about the gelatinous little fellow:
weight: 34 Grams
diameter: 70mm in diameter
taste: absolute rubbish
component materials: An apparent thermal plastic resin harmoniously blended into a tri-woven alien polymer so as to sustain the unicorn dreams within it.*
Researcher's Note: (That last part is merely a theory of Sir Jason, but I've had no occasion to doubt his idiosyncratic ravings and to be fair it would explain the holes.)
So what can one do with Xa? Well, for starters:
Now that I've had a spell to ponder the particulars of this advancement whilst satiating my palate with tasty vittles from the corner delectables shoppe, I've decided that perhaps you'd best take a crack at it. We (and our dapper moustaches) have been at this for weeks and frankly we're about to crinkle our cravats at all of the maddening possibilities!
If you'd care to investigate the device and report your OWN findings back to us, provided you can pay the shipping from our meager (though still secret) laboratory you can procure one of our native samples for your own experimentation and together? Why we'll show that Tesla fool yet!
And who knows? Perhaps one who can unravel its secrets might be rewarded handsomely from our lab in some way?
Ok, so. You may be asking yourself why are we talking about vertical orbits? Do vertical orbits even matter?
This was a topic that was brought up by the father of Astrojax, Larry Shaw, one day at AP-Club. We had an in-depth discussion about the weight of vertical orbits as it relates to AJ play and for some reason, this topic has seemed to stick out in my mind above any other. And while the unanimous answer was "Yes, they matter!", the question still lingered (longer) in my mind.
If you were to know anything about me (besides my affinity for rambling and using the word "avid"), you would know that I'm very much the deep-minded thinker type (whatever that means). Basically, AJ play is more than just play. It's a lifestyle. It's a form of meditation. And simply, it is indeed play. But when you combine all those aspects into one, you start to ponder things like "do vertical orbits matter" at a deep level that would make Ghandi say "whoa". I mean, seriously. We're talking the equivalent of asking a yo-yo player "does it matter if the yoyo spins at the rate of a ga-gillion miles per hour in order to do your awesome tricks?"
Vertical orbits matter.
And I think the reason I have pondered this for so long is because of the question. You know the question all you Jaxologists out there. The one that makes you stumble over your words and go, "well, uh..."
The question: "What are those things?"
If you're prone to busting out your AJ's in public, you're guaranteed this question. The simple answer, "Oh, these? These are Astrojax!", leads to the inevitable follow-up.
"So, what are they?" (yeah, pretty much the same question as the first one because they want an explanation).
And begins the stuttering.
"So, these... uh... Astrojax are... uh... three balls... on a string. Are you following me. And you sort of do this... (here you show them some amazing trick like a reverse fabulous that you NAILED over and over again in solo practice but cannot seem to pull off fluidly when it counts)."
"It's like a yo-yo..." (I think that's how I've started over 99% of this conversation - it's nothing like a yoyo really). "Do you know what a skill toy is..."
And on and on. Looking for the words. Coming up short. What do you say? "I'm controlling the chaos, MAN!" That doesn't go over to well.
So, after many attempts at coming up with the perfect words, I found the key word.
We orbit. We spin. 99% of the tricks we do involve orbiting in some fashion. You think this would pretty obvious (it wasn't to me), with tricks like vertical ORBIT, horizontal ORBIT, butterfly ORBIT,... you get my drift. Larry gave us the answer from the get-go. Now I know that the latest Astrojax, the MX, is marketed as "the free-dimensional swinging ball toy", but to say this is an orbiting skill toy is so much shorter and has some punch just by using that word orbit. You say orbit, you think something grand, something colossal like what planets do. You say swing, you think, kids swinging at the park. It just didn't feel right constantly saying "I'm just swinging my balls around" (See: parents rushing their children away from questionable skill toy weirdo).
All joking aside, at the heart of the matter, we orbit. Take some time when you play next and consider each trick you do. Observe how each trick contains some form of an orbit. Even lollies, though they look like they're shooting straight out in any which way, have quick quarter or half orbits.
So why am I saying all this? Why all the hubbub about orbits and if they matter? Because they do. It gives us a powerful word to extend our Astrojax community to potential new members. To market to them, yes, but to let people know what we do.
As far as vertical orbits? Well, when you start stringing tricks together, weaving from one trick to another, a good percentage of the time you will end up in some variation of a vertical orbit. It's the easiest orbit to drop into. It's the equivalent of the yo-yo player's sleeper. It's the first trick you learn and the one trick that quickly becomes your foundation.
So consider it. Learn it. Master it. Blend it. Weave it. Make it your own. And make the word orbit become powerful prose in your conversation with others when they ask, "what are those things?"