Why Teaching a Noob Astrojax Might End Your Life

(disclaimer: no dolphins were hurt in the making of this blog post).

We've all done it. Got excited about Astrojax, wanted to share it with someone in the world. You've practiced your wording (see: orbit skill toy), how to describe them. And then, the moment of truth. The moment that decides your fate, whether you live or die;

You hand over your set of Astrojax to the noob!

This is a critical moment. This is where the words start flying. This is life or death. Why? You're about to teach a fresh face how to vertical orbit and you already know the ten ways it can go wrong.

You've done everything to prepare them (and yourself). You've shown them what a vertical orbit looks like. You've exaggerated the orbiting motion your hand does but that you don't see. You've used very precise and exaggerated words that "when you do it, you are NOT gonna rotate your hand this big. It doesn't take very much energy. Your hand orbits need to be so small I cannot see them. DO NOT DO BIG HAND ORBITS!!!"

Yeah, you yelled at them. 

Because you know.

We all know.

Once they drop the ball from their non-dominant hand, all... chaos breaks loose.

Because what they did was get excited. What they heard was pieces of what you said ("...do... big... hand... orbits!")

And what they do next is... well, I think you know. And there's no stopping them (it's easier to punch a dolphin in the nose than try to stop them). They're gonna huge-hand-orbit regardless of their IQ level and how much you explained not to. They're gonna rubber-neck so as to avoid a small dent in their cranium (see: Astrojax Plus). You're gonna dive behind the nearest sofa or bush or ottoman because you were standing too close even though you knew better! You too want to live and not become another victim of the mistress we call Chaos. But alas.

It's inevitable.

Your fate is sealed.

Teaching a noob, any noob means abandoning all safety because in Astrojax, there are no guarantees. Especially when it comes to noobs. I have yet to meet the noob that can accurately vertical orbit on their first try. Show me a noob that can orbit like that and I'll show you a man with a furrowed eyebrow of distrust. Because I don't believe they exist. I think it's the natural evolution of anyone who has ever picked up a set of Astrojax.

But alas, you were brave. You sacrificed your well-being for a greater cause. You taught someone new how to start playing Astrojax. You laughed with them as a smile spread across their face at the sheer craziness of their first chaotic orbit. And who knows? This sacrifice may lead to something grand. Sure, they may never buy or play with a set again. On the other hand, your commitment and sacrifice to that one individual may bring forth destiny. Destiny of a person who, after they take their first vertical orbit, becomes addicted and an avid Astrojax player and contributor to our community.

Worth it? You bet it is.

Just remember, once they release that first ball, run!

~~OceanJax :)